Delhi is hot
im trying to plan the after-program. its hard though. not the planning but everyone i talk to has somewhere more amazing i should go. and by may, everywhere is about 100 degrees f anywhere that i could relax that isnt 10,000 ft above sea level.
India never doesnt feel temporary. but i feel IN it. some moments, never more than a moment, i feel like 'this is where i could be me for at least a while' but i never really know. buddhism says that i dont exist. only my mind and my body. so then i feel weird because according to 'them' we exist according to three things; the cause and conditions of our existence, our parts, and our label. at tushita I spent ten days in the mentality that you should always be present in the fact that you are your parents child,
you are a body and a mind, and you are whatever you tell people you are. if i go around telling people i have a different name and age, i exist as someone else whenever im with them.
no im not stressed out. really. more than one person in more than one place has told me that i would only be homesick if i wasnt liking india. and i mean homesick like uncomfortable. cus here homesick is missing like toilets. and looking like you own the place. psychologically im reallllllly present but i didnt have to try to feel that way. im out of my element, im not even in an element. i mean its constant learning, right? we had the best speakers in india lined up for us and every person i talk to i learn a fraction more about how the people work. scenery? amazing, but not even a thing. the US has mountains too.
but like and dislike arent even considerations anymore. it just happens and goes. even people. you meet everything and everyone knowing that it moves and ends fast. its weird that way to not be given the time to... analyze. no. even to be drunk with a feeling or really feeel it. uhhh. incoherent commmenntts. i mean its always head up eyes alert, consequences and digging for what you want because im not WORKING towards anything. i mean it gets weird sometimes, when youre in situations where no one is thinking about what theyre doing or why theyre doing it which is always. so for me to think about whats going on really doesnt work.
im empty right now. its not like im going around spilling over. traveling is kind of empty. the girl next to me just said after that when youre traveling around it kind of feels like youre never doing anything. if i really was fully processing the way i normally do i would have damage so, i mean instead of not soaking anything in, its changing the process. this part i havent finali'zed enough to articulate but thats... the window im looking through.
GO LADAKH, GO FORTH AND PROSPER PEOPLE AT HOME